Sunday, May 31, 2020

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 14 (Checking In)

It's been a fucked up week. Real life is feeling pretty insane right now, so, let's visit Eorzea and check in on our favorite imaginary people, yeah?

Life's settled into a bit of a routine for the Mighty Owlbears. Everyone's finished Heavensward and we're doing Stormblood at our own pace. Worfina's level 74 or so, and Drippy's level 64, and everyone else is somewhere in-between. The frantic energy that propelled us through A Realm Reborn during the early days of the pandemic has abated. The current vibe feels like a lazy afternoon at an amusement park, with individual people strolling around, trying new things, and seeing what clicks for them, then coming together to do raids and challenges on Wednesday nights.

Last Wednesday, we ran a whole series of Trials. Extreme Leviathan gave us some problems, but in the end, Worfina the sole survivor, landed the killing blow and earned some sick bragging rights. Likewise, Truffle and Aericka held out against Sephirot, despite their tanks (Drippy included) all being schlubs and dying way too early.

Some Moogles showed up and offered us all shiny rewards for Irregular Tomestones of Law, so folks were scouring a lot of old content trying to find them. Worf kept complaining about 15 minute queue times as a healer. As a tank, though, I thought it was neat to go back to Aurum Vale and just punch it in the face a few times. And I got a cool goobbue mount for my troubles, so... Tomato, tomato. Huh... That's a turn of phrase that cannot be expressed in text. Neat. Not gonna correct it. Anyway, on to the screenshots:

Aericka's got a hot new haircut and a magical bow that can one-shot a Boeing 747

Drippy flyin' around in a manacutter, bein' all sky piratey

Drippy riding tall on an elbst

Drippy dancing with his doppelganger in Limsa Lomisa's aetheryte plaza

Sexy Rabbit Battle Squad!

Truffle the Dancer, lookin' stylish during a boss-fight

All the bosses in the Void Ark are really into Carpenter Brut

Worfina soloing Leviathan

Running the Praetorium (again)


Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Lamentations of the Flame Princess – Better than Any Man, part 4

Another round of Lamentations of the Flame Princess, and another crack at Better Than Any Man. Each of us rolled an Elf with roughly similar attributes:

THARCUCCI WINDWEASEL | middle-aged male elf searching for his brother Thilvos
AGAINN WINDWEASEL | elderly male elf with a peg-leg, seeks a bounty for lost Thilvos
ILIPHAR WINDWEASEL | youthful elf with threadbare clothing, seeks any gold he can find

On the trail of his missing brother Thilvos, Tharcucci and his compatriots, all elves of the House Windweasel, trudge through the wilds of old Bavaria.

We find a short-cut across the swamp in the hopes of finding Thilvos. However, as we're trudging our way across this god-awful swamp, we hear an explosion in the distance. How odd. We arrive at the Mound, and see thick smoke pouring forth from the entrance. Did Thilvos pass this way?

"Oh, my God! What was that?" An aging bald tubby human dressed head-to-toe in bizarre finery meets us near the standing stones, flabbergasted and upset.

Tharcucci--"Are you okay? What happened here?"
Man--"Oh, merciful gods! I don't know! I had a feeling the oil would be a problem at some point, but I didn't think someone would bring a lit torch into the ... Who are you? What are you doing out here?"
Tharcucci--"We heard a noise and came to investigate."
Man--"I hope you're not looking for anyone... There are three torched saps in there."

He pulls out a rotted child's head on the end of a rope. He uses it to see in the dark. "What idiots carry torches into a barrow?"

Againn--(unfazed) "Did you live in the Mound?"
Man--"Yes! Far away from prying eyes, for the sake of my experiments! Things men were not meant to know!"
Tharcucci--"You'll be pleased to know that we are not men, then!"
Man--"Hmm, yes, yes. You don't look like you're from around here.

We chat with the man for a time, and learn that Vilibald Schwartz is a necromancer. He's a learned man with absolutely no scruples, but he IS interested in saving his own hide. To that end, he tells us of the Cult of the Insect God, and the threat is promises.

"I know of the cult of the insect god and its rising. I fear, truly fear, they are close to their goal of waking the insect god and bringing an end to mammalian life. Of course, should he awaken, it will mean the death of every human on the planet. Unfortunately, I am powerless to stop it. A rare problem for me to have. Hmm. Ah! I know something that the cultists also know: The god can only rise with the help of a specific ritual, involving a specific item, but it's been lost. I have a solution to this problem, but I need others to do it for me. I'm too valuable to do it myself, you see. I want to send you three back in time to the exact moment when the item disappeared from history, and then, once you learn what happened to it, tell me where it went."

The morning when "The Gem of the Insect" disappeared was July 14, 10,000 B.C.

There's a place nearby called Goblin Hill that's stood as a shrine to the insect god since that long lost date in history. Vilibald warns us that it's exceptionally dangerous, but tells us it's the only way to learn what happened. He hands us a magic scroll, and tells us that if we go to Goblin Hill and read it aloud, we'll spend 3 hours in the past, in whatever Goblin Hill used to be. If we can find the gem there and destroy it, we'll save the world.

We banter back and forth for a while, discussing matters of payment and logistics and possible apprenticeships before coming to the conclusion that, eh, fuck it, we're adventurers! Let's go do the cool thing and save the world!

GOBLIN HILL

It's a big-ass hill. If you lit a fire atop it, you'd be able to see it burning in Hammelburg, Werneck, and Thuntgen. There's a little wood sign on the southern slope that says Velkommen, which we notice as our horses approach it near dusk.

We search for an entrance. It takes some time. 40 feet from the sign, up the hill a bit, is a cave opening obscured by shrubbery and hanging moss. Dead leaves and branches have been piled here to camouflage it.

Swarms of mosquitoes. Ants. Wasps. The earth is writhing with insects. Ugh, gross.

Dozens of slimes. Inside each is a gemstone. Againn walks up to one and pokes it with his spear. The tip sinks in. The ooze doesn't seem to care. Againn pokes more aggressively, hoping to snare the thing, and drags it back into the torchlight. The ooze is still moving; it flops onto the floor like a gross pancake and keeps crawling around.

Tharcucci reaches in and yoinks out the gem. It comes out with a pop and a wheeze. Green gas blows out. It's acidic. Saving throws versus breath weapon, and all Againn pass - but that glove Tharcucci was wearing is wrecked. The gem's worth about 130 s.p.

In another room: Mold. Ew.

Another: A small, naturally occurring spring. The water tastes tingly.

Another: A large black sphere of darkness 50 feet in diameter. Againn shoots an arrow into it. It makes a thwoomp sound as the arrow hits it and ... hits liquid? The arrow is floating. Iliphar fishes it out with a spear.

Another: A dazzling glowing light off to the right. It's dazzling. An entryway. A series of statues depicting human-insect hybrids, all entertwined. The shining light emanates from the eyeholes of each statue. The bugs absolutely swarm this place.

The eyes aren't stone - they're writhing giant firefly larvae.


We're going the right way, at least. We press on through the entryway.

Another room: Giant insect statues. Along the north, ant bee cockroach cricket. Along the south, dragonfly earwig horsefly moth.

Another: Scurrying cockroaches.

Another: 14 columns support a 60' roof. An altar at the far end. Something sparkles on the roof, just out of the range of our light. Upon the altar is an open book. Carvings of wasps and cockroaches along the sides; texture reminiscent of a paper wasp's nest.

Tharcucci casts Read Magic and reveals that this book Summons the Buzzing Demon. He takes it.

There's a door on the east wall. Againn opens it, and finds a room filled with fountains. Barely a trickle of water flows from them. There are places to sit. A cleaning room? Bright butterflies also. Murals of bugs and humans gettin' freaky really tie the room together. Gross.

Tharcucci drinks some of the water. It's fresh.

Another: More of the same, only this time the butterflies swarm us, trying to get inside our mouths. We search it, and find nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sigh.

Ahead, three doors. More choices. We start to clear them one at a time.

Door 1. A sparsely decorated room. Stone table. Skeletal body. A bright gold scarab on a chain around it's "neck." Tharcucci grabs it. 500 s.p.

Door 2. Broken down furniture. A finger-sized jade carving of a caterpillar. Againn takes that one.

Door 3. More busted-ass furniture. Nothing else.

A horsefly the size of a Great Dane attacks us! We loose a volley of arrows at it, but to no avail. It slams into Tharcucci, buzzing angrily as Againn shoots again, hitting it in the eye. Iliphar hits it in its filthy neck with a perfect strike of his sword, and the monster's legs twitch with hydraulic shock as it dies horribly on the cold stone floor.

We make our way to another intersection.

The door to the west looks weird. Insect heads and mystic symbols are carved on the door. Four heads form a square pattern at human chest level; the fifth is at floor level. Againn puts his sword in one of the hand-sized holes in the insect heads' mouth. It taps the back. We look more closely. There's a handle inside each of the mouths. The hole at the bottom has a pedal.

Againn presses the pedal. Thunk, thunk. Something's going on inside the door. We figure out a scheme whereby we pull all the levers simultaneously while Againn presses the pedal down; the door opens. A deep hum comes from behind us.

Deeper than the horseflies. We run into the opened chamber and turn to face our attacker: A giant bee! Fuck. Iliphar manages to one-shot it with a perfectly aimed arrow.

Back to the awful chamber: Oh god it's full of sarcophagi. The central one has a praying mantis motif; there are fifteen others are surrounding it. All covered in insect motifs. Uggh...

Tharcucci pushes it open and there's a large, open space within. No body. Just a void. There's an odd vibrating chirp coming from... somewhere below...

A giant zombie praying mantis the size of a horse pops out, swings with one of its claws, and takes Againn's body apart in a brutal slashing attack. We draw steel and attack, but to no avail. It's over in seconds. Tharcucci's clavicle is rent in a single attack; he goes unconscious from blood loss. Iliphar charges in with a yell, hits the creature, but barely scratches its hide. It crushes his head.

Less than a minute after encountering the elves, the undead mantis scoops up its pray, drags the elves' bodies down into the darkness, and covers the lid on its lair.

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 14 (Two Week Owlbear Diary)

The weather has been getting nicer and the shelter-in-place order in my state has begun to lift, so there's been less Final Fantasy being played lately. I still like compiling these snapshots into posts, though, and I plan to do so for as long as there's something worth writing about.

Saturday, May 16. Heavensward complete! *trumpets and fanfare*

Sunday, May 17. Went out foraging for mushrooms in a rainstorm. Found about ten pounds of pheasantbacks. Ate 'em on toast with some sauteed onions, wild leeks, garlic, and fresh green peppers. Didn't get around to playing Final Fantasy today, but I feel like I leveled up Culinarian in real life.

Drippy and his new friend, a flying laurel goobbue, soar into the midnight sky
Wednesday, May 20. Raid night. We went up against (Extreme) Titan, Ifrit, Shiva, Ramuh, and Bismarck. This might've been the most successful raid night yet. Without a doubt, the highlight was killing Bismarck with an unsynched party of five just to see if we could do it.


We tried the same thing with Ravana and couldn't quite make it happen, so that's on the docket for next week.

Drippy and Truffle check in with the Vath storyteller after yet another fearsome battle with Ravana
Friday, May 22. I've got over well 3,700 screenshots at this point, so here's a few croppings from the Great Gubal Library and the Antitower. No sense in pressing Print Screen compulsively if I never show off the highlights, right?

One of the eldritch guardians of the Great Gubal Library




What a beautiful place.

Some undated things that occurred at some point:

Drippy went back through Haukke Manor with Truffle and Aericka. This time, Truffle was healer, Aericka was tank, and Drippy was DPS. We're all a little wobbly with our off-roles, but that's honestly a lot of fun for me. It's nice to figure out some of those earlier dungeons for ourselves instead of always running with a veteran group. We wiped a few times on the last boss, but eventually we stuck the landing.

Cutter's Cry PUG of the Month
Also, while running Cutter's Cry with the fine group of random individuals pictured above, we wiped on the endboss. I should say, they wiped. Drippy held his own, and managed to down the Chimera after a whole lot of sprinting, potions, and a lot of comboing into Storm's Path. Oh, and of course, party chat spamming go tank go

Growl all you like, kitten, you still got beat
Worfina completed Stormblood and is somewhere around patch 4.3 as of the time of this writing. I'm still doing Heavensward bridge content, right on the verge of Stormblood (3.0). We bookend the Owlbears' progress through this game quite nicely.

I ran the Void Ark last night, and I'm a little in love with it. What an awesome concept - I want to port it into a game of D&D so bad! No spoilers, but I might try to write that and share it on this blog at some future point.

I miss in-person gaming, I really do, but thanks to Discord and some excellent friends, this expedition to Eorzea has been a wonderful journey. There's a lot here to appreciate, and a lot more that I still want to see. Until such a time as Covid-19 is a distant memory, I'll be happy to watch the sun rise over the Sea of Clouds and whisper dang into my headset microphone.


Monday, May 25, 2020

Cinder Bin, sessions 5-8

This is a big, disjointed recap of our last four sessions of Starfinder. Sessions 5 and 6 were effectively one big combat sequence, session 7 was a lot of talking and theorizing and scouting, and session 8 is where it all blew up again. I've been tempted to try to clean this up a little and make it legible for a general audience, but honestly, that would mean writing a novel. Hopefully these scrappy notes make for something at least half-way entertaining to read.

The Gang’s All Here
Deadeye Duncan, one man battering ram
Eli, wizened weirdo
Rue, magical girl genius
Gorman, super secret special ops survivor
And Scaddy’s our DM


Session 5
The Calm Before the Grease Fire

We prepare for the Simplification’s attack on our little village. We yell real loud, bang on tents, and try to rouse the townfolk. Pandemonium and panic.

Kess stays back to organize some sort of resistance. The rest of us are on running at 2A with our guns out, pushing South. Kess puts the drone super-low over town so it makes a lot of noise and gets everyone’s attention. Good luck organizing a militia, hungover buddy.

And so we run. There’s a band of sixteen Simps that’s headed straight for us. We dig in our heels and start shooting. Naturally, Gorman’s rifle makes the loudest bang. Duncan kills one with a headshot. Eli casts grease once they’re close enough and hopes for the best.

One of the Simps throws a ball of red light at Gorman. It misses. Weird. No time to figure out what’s happening, though – They catch up with us faster than we’d like. A band of five charge in, get caught in some of Eli’s magical grease, and then Rue lights the grease on fire with her laser pistol.

Gorman drops an incendiary grenade on another mob and rolls a 6 for his damage. It still works out to about 30 points of fire damage, and a bunch more Simplification mooks light on fire! Fire everywhere!

Sunday revs her chainsword and eviscerates a red for 39. “It’s called technology, bitches!

This goes on for a while.  After four turns of combat, Eli’s three grease spells deep, and there’s a dozen Simplification mooks who are fighting us while they’re on fire, but their morale is fierce. One of them just runs through a grease pit and dies. Rue rolls a bunch of 6s on those d6 burning rolls, and Gorman continues the tradition by rolling well, but it’s pretty hairy. Eli gets hit with a hammer and goes down.

When he comes to, all but a few of the Simps are dead. He’s not feeling well, but at least he’s on the winning team. Still, there’s another mess of Simps about a hundred yards north of us, and twenty more beyond that. This is gonna get worse before it gets better.

Session 6
Asserting Dominance

While the group debates what to do next, Duncan climbs up onto the ridge and he fires his street sweeper into the air.

Duncan—“THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!” Intimidate 25!

The Simplification reforms its ranks, and the reds take cover behind the yellows. Duncan walks towards them slowly, firing his street sweeper as he taunts them with his kill count.

One of the red-cloaks sends up a flare, and it explodes in a flash of purple smoke.

RueThat’s not an horrible omen…

Eventually, though, he gets too close, and the Simplification charges him. He books it toward the town.

Four red-cloaks break out of Group 3 and book it after Duncan.

A trike with an autocannon attachment speeds by and shouts, “Get down you idiot!” Duncan thinks to hell with that and jumps onto the back of a speeding battle-trike, and asserts his dominance by pushing aside the gunner and taking control of the guns with a nat 20 Athletics check. “Hey, I’m Duncan. I just killed 40 Hammer Bros, I’m about to kill 20 more.” The vehicle charges toward the Simplification and the vehicle opens up on full auto.

Tru is the driver. Mace is the gunner. Rue jumps up and down really excitedly when they drive back into town.

We crest the center-line of the ridge and watch as Sunday chases down some of the fleeing yellows.  Somehow, it catches up to us that we’ve won the day. The Simplification are retreating!

Duncan and Kess share a moment.

Kess—Wow, that was incredible! I’ve never seen a gun like that! That’s like the guns on the drop-ship!

Duncan—That’s the worst defense I’ve ever seen! You don’t have a shovel in your hands! I don’t see any trenches! Here, I’ll show you how it’s done. I had time to kill sixty Simplification, and you couldn’t even grab a shovel?!

We rendezvous back in town, then take some time to loot the bodies.

+8 crystals from the reds.
+2 slate tablets, one cracked.
+1 masterwork hammer. Two handed, d10 damage.

One of the reds was wearing a bright scarlet; a different make. The yellows and reds could’ve been local, but he definitely wasn’t. He was wearing good leather shoes. There were also some cool flares that pop purple smoke – or black, yellow, or red. They each had about 3-5 days of rations on their person.

Duncan strolls into the bar to be greeted as a hero.

Duncan—Sixty Simplification attacked. I killed forty of ‘em, and the autocannon took care of the rest. Deadeye Duncan. Savior of the town.

There’s a tense moment that follows. Haley lets Eli know that we’re all being scanned, and that dragons are about to burn us all down. Target acquisition! Duncan rolls two Perception tests, and flubs 'em both.

Tru is talking to folks at the bar.

"Look, we talked last night about the Simplification being a problem, and sure enough, they show up. Cost us a lot. I know a lot of you guys are scared and want to move on to the next town, but these guys are comin’ for us now. We gotta do somethin’ about it. We gotta find where these guys are, and we gotta kill ‘em."

We interrogate two Simplification yellows we've taken as prisoners. They're not terribly forthcoming...

When we ask 'em why - 
"Because you’re holding us all back! You make yourselves slaves to the old world. You don’t even know what it is? We have to become more. Put down this stuff. Destroy it. You can feel the light of the Great Above! What humans are supposed to be!"

When we ask 'em why now -
We were trying to convert you! To show you the error of your ways. And three days ago, a great fire shook the earth! We knew then it was war. Real war. It was you or us.

More bits and snippets of the conversation:

Duncan strips off his technology, and asks, “Do I feel any holy light?”

The Simp says, "You haven’t accepted the Great Above?"

Duncan touches his toes and sticks his ass in the air. "How does this work? I’m waiting for it?"

Simp: "Take the crystal and realize that you have sinned!"

"Ok, now what?"

Simp: "You’re not repentant! (lunges, bites for 2 damage)

Duncan grabs his sword and hits him hard in the arm. Then shoots him in the leg. The session ends shortly thereafter.

Session 7
Flat Canyon Blues

We’re not really sure what to do next. But, with Kess on our team piloting a drone, and with a bunch of crystals being overclocked by Rue to triangulate our enemies’ position, we’re getting an inkling. Eli talks to Tru and asks him to keep an eye out for high explosives. We think they could be useful very soon.

Lyric and Gorman concoct a plan to let the prisoners escape, then track them back to the Simplification’s hideout in the south.

“I’ll say he’s been workin’ too hard. I’ll offer to take over for him, and then, of course, they got away from me. I’ll have to kill one just to make it a show, y’know? Whatever, we’ll just lie. That’s fine. I’m overthinking it really.”

Gorman goes in, bluffs Mase, and takes over guard duty. He’s ponderin’ this a bit, and realizes these folk have a lot less food and water than Gorman’d expect. “Were y’all just planning to take the water from us, so that you didn’t need to carry any out?”

Simp: “You don’t know the power of the Great Above.”

Gorman: “It doesn’t look like it’s gonna rain today.”

Gorman: “What’s the story with that wish crystal? How’s water gonna come out of that rock?”

The Simp tires of explaining himself to an unbeliever.

Half an hour later…

Duncan gets a check-up from the Doctor.

Duncan—“I need like, seventeen hit points healed.”

The Doc—“The best thing for you is rest, but I can try to heal you up quicker… Try to avoid getting hit in your broken rib.”

Duncan—“Nope.”

Deadeye and Eli go out scavengin’ for a few hours, and find a pair of bottlecaps.

Gorman’s out in the wilderness tracking the scouts. If they’re following the track of the army, they didn’t take a direct route at all. Sense Motive [[15]] gives Gorman the impression that they’re pretty lost. Hmm.

Gorman dreams that he’s home. He knows everyone around him, and he’s with his team, and life is good. He’s at peace.

Tru brings back 3 blocks of D8 from the nearest dig site, +2 weeks of fungus and water for our party and NPCs who come with us.

We head south, armed and ready to take down the Simps. We find a patrol about an hour north of a big encampment.

Duncan—“Scuse me gents, if we could just pass by…”
Them: “Stop in the name of the Simplification!”

FIGHT

Afterwards, Duncan does the most Duncan thing yet and eats their leader's heart.

Duncan—"I have claimed your leader’s courage! Bow before me!"
Rue—[addressing the cowering survivors] Do you have any fruit?

+2 sledgehammers
+2 red vials, +1 black vial

Session 8
Black Means Boom

We arrive at the Simplification’s rally point.

Spying on them from a rocky vantage point, we see that there are 60 people in the SE quadrant, 30 in the NE, and west of camp is empty. No idea who's in the command tent. This is definitely an important place, and we want to blow it up.

Rue's plan: Get the village to come with us and fake being an army. We dress as Simplification, sneak in, and act as insurgents.

Gorman—Do they even have bullets? I thought they were more of a rock people.

Rue’s other plan: We get the Simps up and running towards us... and then, during the confusion, our insurgents sneak in and blow it up.

Gorman—And let the Townsfolk die to the Simplification?

Rue’s third plan is to cause a distraction and—

Gorman—We don't need a commotion unless we're trying to loot from them as well. I don't really want any of their weird crystals.

Our group decides we’ll wait until night. Rue wants to use Kess's drone to plant the C4 on the crystal and then blow it up. That'd work, provided they don't see the drone. But Gorman realizes it’ll be a lot easier if he just sneaks in and does it.

Yeah, damn, there's a 30' crystal pillar right there in the middle of camp, floating above the ground. The D8 should take care of it?

We’ve got 2 hours tops to pull this off. We wait for an opportunity to present itself. Near sunset, an ear splitting screech splits the air south of the rally point. Kess says, “Cave lions!”  

Enormous cats that live in the high peaks. With wings.

We seize the opportunity. Gorman moves in.

Gorman—[talking to himself] They speak another language don't they? Worship the Great Above? Ah, I already forgot. I super don't care about what they believe in.

Stealth to move thru the heath undetected [[23]]
Athletics to get in the camp [[15]]
Sneak to move thru the camp undetected [[32]]

Rue hears the sound of wings. Like a flying animal.

Stealth [[31]] as Gorman sneaks up into the central plaza and looks for a seam in the crystal. He find it, backs off, and sets off a flare. Deadeye sees it, but hesitates for a moment before pressing the detonator. Gorman’s anxiety spikes.

An earth shattering kaboom. The crystal snaps straight up the middle, then falls to the south. It’s pandemonium in the camp.

Gorman flees as fast as he can; a patrol spots him and gives him chase. Athletics to jump a burm [[16]] lets Gorman get ahead of them, and they throw things at him in response, missing terribly.

The dark blue is rallying the reds and getting ‘em to round up the yellows. Eli, Rue, Deadeye, Sunday, and Kess all hoof it north, back to the horses.

Gorman is hoofing it south, toward the direction of the cave lions.

We spot two cave lions eating our horses. There are still four left, but two are toast. Eli casts ghost sound to mimic another cave lion, and then we try hopping on our horses while the lions are distracted. It works. Everyone rides north except Eli, who hangs back and waits for Gorman. He spots Gorman before the lions do, waves him down, and together we ride north.

We reconnoiter at the pikes. Well, north of the pikes. It’s a bit of a mess, but long story short, we regroup out in the desert and plot our next course of action. There’s a strong debate. First, we debate going back to the village or going to attack the Simplification. Then we debate between going north or south once we get to the canyon. Gorman and Duncan break off from the group with the intent of blowing up the next Simplification rally point, and Eli, Sunday, Kess, and Rue ride north to the nearest dig site. It’s a contentious debate. Eli doesn’t think Duncan’s coming back from this one; he gives him his lighter as a good luck charm, then hopes for the best.

Duncan and Gorman push east.

Near the site of the second crystal, they encounter a single red Simp. He sees them. It's an open plain, so there's no where to go except into the fray. 

Critical hit with a sniper rifle: [[44]] damage, but it’s not a kill. Gorman looks at his gun in disbelief. The mortally wounded Simp cold clocks Duncan and manages to get a few hard jabs in at Gorman before he bleeds out.

Duncan—I want his magic fist punching powers. I'm gonna eat his heart.
Gorman—Hold up. Let's take his robes first. Then you can eat his heart.

They reach the site of the crystal. It's the same as the first one, but they also notice there's a wagon filled with dirt. And in it sits a fruit tree.

Gorman—Ready the second satchel charge.
Duncan—I was already doin’ it.
Gorman—That tree has got to go.

Gorman sneaks in wearing the red's cloak.

Yellow Simp—What news of the patrol?
Gorman—WHAT news of the patrol? Did YOU lose track of it?? Bluff [[17]]
Yellow Simp—Sense Motive [[16]] Uh...

Gorman pushes on brusquely. He finds another batch of Simps near the crystal and addresses them.

Gorman—Give me some time to inspect the crystal. Privately. Bluff [[25]]

It works.

A simplification mook fails to notice Gorman place the explosives. Perception [[3]]
Gorman runs through the tent city. Acrobatics [[25]]
Gorman whips out a black flare - Duncan sees it explode.

Duncan—"Black means boom." Engineering [[21]].

The first charge blows up the pylon. There's a crashing sound, followed by a crack-snap and the pillar breaks into three pieces, then falls to the west. Absolute chaos ensues.

Gorman swings around to drop another charge at the tree. He tries to look like he belongs here, but ... Bluff [[7]]. He's not particularly convincing. One of the yellows notices him. Gorman has a choice between the tree or the gate... and he chooses the tree. He slaps the charge on the trunk, and the yellow shouts, "Heathen!"

Watching from a distance, Duncan shoots him for 26. Zzap. His head explodes like a melon.

Duncan—"So, I've been made."

A gang of yellow Simps surrounds him and Duncan shouts, "We're under attack! Take cover!" Bluff [[19]] It's true. Both parties are under attack right now.

Sense Motive [[19, 19, 20]]. Hmm. Shit. Three people jump out of the crowd and attack Gorman, but no one lands a hit. Duncan tries to grab everyone's attention off of him - he is an icon, after all.

Duncan—"Surrender! We have you surrounded!" Intimidate [[24]]. It works!

Then again, for those in the back: "STOP! I HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!"

Meanwhile, one of the yellows hits Gorman for 27. He's not dead, but good lord.

Duncan—"You may be wondering how one man can surround you. But where you see one man, I see four!" [presses the detonator]

It's chaos. Gorman escapes, but a red runs Duncan down. Duncan stands his ground and fires his rifle, burning action points like they're fireworks. He hits often but rolls low on damage, even counting a critical hit. The energy gathers around him, and black fire rushes out across the ground at Duncan. He jumps out of the way just in the nick of time; he takes 12 damage and loses all his Stamina. The red goes black, and charges after Duncan. He misses a clutch attack, and Duncan kills him with a perfectly time riposte shot.

Duncan—"Who brings a hammer to a laser fight?"

DM: I really thought you were dead there.
Duncan: I did too!

Duncan continues on north. Gorman swings south, then switches north.

So ends session 8.

Thursday, May 14, 2020

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 13 (Fashion Expo!)

It's time for another one-week diary of the Owlbears' adventures in James Fantasy's Eorzea!

Thursday, May 7. Azella, Drippy's retainer, reaches Marauder level 45. She's a hell of a good sport. A real team player. Great fashion sense, too. Snow leopard print thigh warmers need to start trending.


Friday, May 8. Worfina presses on in her quest to explore all of Eorzea and the realms beyond. This single-minded dedication and forces her to make some strange and noteworthy decisions. Truffle McCabe, too, has made a noteworthy decision: She has decided to pursue the path of the Dancer. Her chocobo companion Kevin, seen here in new barding, is thrilled by the decision, as is her clockwork automaton, Lil' Nanomo.



Saturday, May 9. Drippy's journey takes him to the heights of Sohm Al, a place not visited by men since primordial times. Its winds are colder than winter, and its heights just as breathtaking. Below, in Dravania, Drippy joins Truffle, Aladbross, and an unknown white mage in exploring the ruins of Dusk Vigil. The day's events are not all cold, however - Some are actually quite heartwarming! In Mor Dhona, Drippy pauses to admire the accouterments of an unknown duo as they reminisce about past adventures in the public square. Is that a giant hamster? It's adorable, whatever it is. As is Aericka's new haircut - very stylin'





Sunday, May 10. Worfina Klingdragon sports a hot new look. Aladbross Siracha, too, is dressed to the nines, and it's taking all of Y'shtola's scholarly reserve to avoid jumpin' on those cat bones. Meow!




Monday, May 11. Glock and Truffle had really eventful days, but their records of such events are hidden behind spoiler tags in Discord chat. So, instead, here's Truffle's new jacket and Glock hangin' out with Hraesvalgr. I'd say they're lookin' pretty stylish, wouldn't you?



Tuesday, May 12. I took a break today. It's healthy to take breaks.

Wednesday, May 13. Raid night! And holy fuck, what a raid night it was! Check this shit out!


















AND IN ADDITION TO OF ALL OF THAT HOTNESS
DRIPPY MADE A NEW FRIEND
AND HER FASHION SENSE IS LITERALLY ON FIRE



Glock McLargehuge wrote this stirring epilogue to caption his solo fight against Titan last night. An unintentional solo, but damn, was it ever close... I want to see the rematch! I can think of no finer way to end this post, so without further ado...


Glock stared up at Titan. His friends were dead and the fate of Eorza now lay upon Glock's broad shoulders. "I will not yield," Glock screamed at the primal over the cacophony of guitar music blaring from gods know where. Titan roared in defiance at this tiny metal-clad Roegadyn in front of him. Glock's sword hit true and he knew it was only a matter of time until Titan's strength waned into non-existence. "Only a little longer," thought Glock after casting another healing spell on his newly opened wounds. Titan's strength was getting low, but his attacks were only getting stronger. Titan wound up for a mighty punch that would have spelled the end of Glock. Glock deftly dodged it on a sliver of land he knew to be safe. Titan's life was waning. Glock could see the end at hand. Titan wound up for another punch. This time Glock was too slow. The punch landed and Glock found himself flung toward the abyss. His last thoughts before landing in the burning embers below were, "I'm sorry guys. I gave it my all." His disappointment was ended with a thud and a loud scream of "NOOOOOO" coming from a human somewhere in realm of Earth