Final Fantasy XIV, Part 9 (S L O W I N G D O W N: recapping the early game)

I wonder...

When I write these posts, am I writing a review, or is this a stream-of-consciousness thing? Or is this blog a digital scrapbook with lots of notes scribbled in the margins? Am I thinking critically about game mechanics and what makes a game fun to play, or am I just giving a shout-out whenever the game does something that amuses me? The answer, so far, has been, "Yes! Yes to everything!"

And truthfully, that will continue to be the case. But I'd like to try a little more focused approach, this time. So, let's focus on the story, specifically the early-game, for a bit.

If someone said to me, "What's the story like?" How would I respond? What value can I give, what meaning can I convey, to someone who wants to experience Final Fantasy XIV but isn't willing to marathon it from quarantine for a solid month?

I think it's a valid question. I love tabletop RPGs, and I'm always looking for new and exciting scenarios to add to my games. There are wheelbarrows full of lore, here, just waiting to be carted out of Final Fantasy and dumped into a weekly game of Dungeons & Dragons. They're largely anecdotal, like re-enacting the Hatching-tide celebration or giving your party's paladin a chocobo whistle, but it's a mistake to think that the decorations are the only things worth stealing. A Realm Reborn has a fine story structure, and the world-building is top notch, so let's get into it.

Get some popcorn, kupo. It's time to reminisce.

A Realm Reborn tells the story of an aspiring young professional who, through tenacity, luck, and strength of character, finds himself in the midst of a series of deadly conflicts. In each conflict, the professional rises to the challenge, meeting and resolving it in a dramatic fashion, usually through strength of arms, but occasionally by guile, charm, or sheer hard work. Violent resolutions are the professional's specialty, and the place where the most time and attention to detail is spent. But to say that the professional's tale glorifies violence would be misleading; to understand the professional's tale, we must understand the world in which he lives.

Eorzea is an enchanted land blessed by magical and technical wonders, but plagued by an endless instability. Civilization consists of several races of humanoids co-existing under various banners; A Realm Reborn focuses on the civilization of three city-states: Ul'dah, Limsa Lomisa, and Gridania.

Each of these city-states has its own distinct character: Ul'dah is a desert city where wealth and poverty coexist in stark contrast. Ul'dahns people pride themselves on their own ingenuity while turning a blind eye to obvious social problems. Outside the city walls, Ul'dahns are menaced by the amalj'aa, a beast-tribe of desert-dwelling lizardfolk who worship the primal Ifrit.

Limsa Lomisa is a coastal city, and also, a military autocracy: The Admiral's will is supreme. Luckily, Admiral Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn is a benevolent and wise ruler, and takes her job very seriously, so Limsa Lomisa is a prosperous and inviting realm. Lomisans are menaced by the sahagin, a beast-tribe of fishfolk who worship the primal Leviathan, and by the kobolds, who pray to mighty Titan.

Gridania is a forest city defined by slow-speaking elves and their culture. Gridanians are primarily concerned with sustainable living and survival. Their forest home, the Twelveswood, is enormous and often hostile place, so foresters, scouts, and archers have a prominent place in society. Gridanians are menaced by the ixal, a beast-tribe of birdfolk who worship the primal Garuda, and also by the sylphs, who worship the primal Ramuh.

The relationships between these city-states and the beast-tribes which harass them is central to the professional's tale.

Early in his career, the professional finds himself in one of these three city-states, and there begins his journey toward competency. In Drippy's case, he joined the Marauders' guild in Limsa Lomisa and received training from its teachers. He later went to Summerford Farms and spent an inordinate amount of time picking oranges and chasing off bees. It was essentially a summer job, but one where he still got to swing his battleaxe. Not exactly what I'd envisioned when I rolled up "water genasi pirate Conan" on the character screen, but hey, I can adapt. The game clearly had a story it wanted me to experience, and I would experience it at the writers' pace.

Alternatively, one could argue that the early game is almost totally unconcerned with pacing. The game throws a whole world at you and says, "Here, catch! If you get lost, there are about six-thousand tutorial missions. Good luck!" In a sense, the feeling of being an overwhelmed young professional just starting out on their chosen career is communicated splendidly.

The professional advances in their chosen field at their own pace until roughly level 17, when a series of serendipitous events line up, and (in Drippy's case) a gang of local kidnappers target a workman at Summerford Farms. Investigating his disappearance leads to the revelation that those kidnappers are, in fact, Serpent Reavers, an ancient cult dedicated to worshiping the primal Leviathan. They kidnap and sell slaves to the sahagin. Fighting and defeating them is the first real step along the hero's path - It's the place in the story where the professional meets his mentor and proves his value to her. This is about the time when Drippy met Y'shtola, the cultured conjurer, and fought alongside her against the Serpent Reavers.

As a twist, then: A masked mage appears. He is an agent of chaos, and he has a gripe with the professional. The mage is an Ascian, though that word holds no meaning for us at present. The professional has seen this mage before, both in dreams and in the waking world. The mage had summoned a golem to kill him during the professional's first fight with the Serpent Reavers, then vanished. After defeating the Reavers with the help of the local Lominsan guard, the Yellowjackets, the Ascian appears once again and summons a gargoyle, disappearing yet again before the professional can kill him.

After triumphing over these menacing enemies, word of the professional's skill spreads quickly. New organizations seek him out. The professional, for his part, welcomes the attention. He uses the opportunity to learns new skills and sharpen old ones. Drippy discovered, much to his surprise, that his actions had earned him an audience with the Admiral of Limsa Lominsa herself. The Yellowjackets must have sung his praises loudly indeed!

The Admiral greeted him warmly and told him she was pleased by his decisive actions against the Serpent Reavers, and furthermore, she wished to give him a ceremonial duty as a reward: He was to go to the other city-states and present each ruler with a hand-written letter from the Admiral, and thereby coordinate a memorial service for those who had died at Cartenau, a famous battle five years past. Drippy naturally agreed, and was given unrestricted access to the city's airships and sent along his way.

While all of this was a bit overwhelming for a humble axe-man like Drippy, as a player, I had been itching to get out of Limsa Lomisa. I digress, but as interesting as I've tried to make it all sound, these early quests bored me half-to-death. I bought this game to run raids and puzzle through tactical boss-fights with my friends, not harvest oranges at Summerford farms!

But now - airships! Freedom! We're leaving the starting zone and getting into the real meat-and-potatoes of the game. This is what I signed up for—the raids! Bring 'em on! Sastasha's first, where you fight against Sahagin raiders, and then it's Copperbell Mines, and Tam-Tara Deepcroft, and...

Ah, but we've lost the thread here, haven't we? Sufficed to say, the professional succeeds at his task. He travels to Ul'dah and Gridania and holds audience with their leaders. Drippy the diplomat. The leaders themselves are amenable to the Admiral's request, and take the opportunity to pontificate on the virtues of their respective city-states, but ultimately, the professional returns from his journey more worldly than when he left, and he delivers the good news to the Admiral.

Time slows down a little after that. The pressure lifts. There is yet the mystery of the masked mage, and plenty of work to be done, but the professional has done enough to earn a little vacation. Now Eorzea opens up, and dozens of new avenues present themselves for exploration.

After a few such adventures, a chance encounter in Ul'dah brings Y'shtola back into Drippy's tale. This event leads to the professional joining the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, a secretive order dedicated to defeating the primals: ancient beings of remarkable power who are worshipped as gods by the beast-tribes. It's a difficult task, and not everyone can do it, but the professional - who has been haunted and harassed by dream-like visions his entire life - has just the right make-up to be part of the team. On top of his personal qualities - dedication, heroism, selflessness - he has a supernatural gift. Minfilia, leader of the Scions, calls it the Echo. Those with the Echo have visions, and headaches, and all manner of troubles because of it, but also, they are immune to the primals' greatest weapon: Mind control. Y'shtola sussed it out of you. She saw you had the Echo during your battle with the Serpent Reavers, and saw, too, that you would be a perfect fit for the Scions after your heroics in the market square. So, the professional becomes, among other things, a Scion.

That's where the mid-game begins, and where this post about the early-game leaves off. Until next time, please, enjoy these screenshots devoid of any context:

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 8 (A Realm Reborn!)

Happy Easter motherfuckers

We did it! Continent's saved, Empire's defeated, game's over, gg y'all. Sometime late on Good Friday, the Owlbears assembled and we ran through the end-game of A Realm Reborn. I had been drinking strawberry mead for the better part of two hours previous, and we had a pick-up pugilist who was aggressively pulling aggro, but somehow we still managed to keep our shit together long enough to shatter Gaius van Baelsar's hopes of Eorzan conquest.

These screenshots really sum it up for me. The vibe, I mean. All these heroic figures standing together to take on a larger-than-life villain. It doesn't really matter who or what they're up against; what matters is that they're facing it as a team. It's a mood.

Here's what it looked like in the moment. This screenshot is actually a lot calmer than the penultimate fight. Pure chaos.

So - How does this Final Fantasy experience stack up against the other ones? That's a difficult question for me to answer, mainly because this is my first real experience with a Final Fantasy game! Oh, I played a little bit of FF6 twenty years ago, and I marathon'd FF7 in an energy-drink fueled weekend once, but those experiences are so anecdotal that they're not really valid as a basis for comparison.

My friend Aladbross Siracha, however, is much more experienced with regard to these matters. In our Slack chat, he shared the following thought:

Ranking FF games is so hard because they’re very different games.  Comparing XV vs VI feels nearly impossible because they have different merits.

Instead, I’ll do awards:

The Most Quintessential James Fantasy:
FFX - From the weird aesthetics to the turn-based battle system X is the most on-brand Final Fantasy.  Love story, dope cast, stage mesh of magic and sci-fi.  It also holds up the best relative to when it was made.

The best FF character:  Cloud Strife.  Cloud ostensibly sucks.  He’s an anti-hero but such a wiener about it.  But what the games does with Cloud using certain reveals is awesome, especially considering the meta-commentary of many 90-RPGs at the time.

Most Overrated FF game:  FFVII.  Aside from the themes, FFVII isn’t great.  The art has aged atrociously and it’s combat system makes me feel hurried.  It also feels like the most linear game.

The FF that’s dreaming big:  FFXV.  Just a stab in the dark here, but I think a lot of Japanese game developers played Skyrim and said “LETS DO THAT!”  FFXV takes the open-world adventure and imagines it as a bachelor-party camping trip fighting demons with a recently disposed prince.  And I stan that energy.

Best FF of my childhood: FFIX. We used to swap our N64 for a friend’s PlayStation so it lends to us trying to binge Final Fantasy games while he breezed through Banjo-Kazooie.  We played so much FFIX my dad got concerned and made us trade back.  We also renamed all the characters to swear words.  We were cool sixth graders.

FF game I want to play that I haven’t: FFXII.  People lose their shit over this game and I have no idea why.

Best Music:  FFX.  Cash me outside tho

Where does FFXIV fall into this?  I couldn’t say.  While there’s obviously that FF energy, there’s so much that’s different.  I do miss having a fleshed out cast of characters and an ever-expanding world.  But I love the social aspect and the Dungeon-heavy design.  I could never pitch this game to someone casually, but I want all my friends to play it.

I have to give this game high marks, with the asterisk that, yeah, it's not a casual experience. If you're gonna get from it what we got from it, you pretty much need to marathon it during a pandemic. When I started playing, I was very resistant. I don't like MMOs as a rule, but these are strange times we're living in, so I caved and downloaded it. I nearly rage quit during installation. Twice. The early game wasn't thrilling, either, and with all the side-quests and grinding to get to a place where I could actually start running dungeons, it all felt so boring and dumb. I think those were my exact words. Very pretty, but also, very dumb.

I definitely would've quit if it weren't for my friends egging me on. And I'm glad they did. I'm glad that I stuck with Final Fantasy until I met Jihli and she sold me a bunny mask. I'm glad that Evil George Washington made me crack a smile, and then picked a fight. I'm glad that my early adventures nabbed me some outrageously sexual body armor, and that I wore it with pride as I beat up a mess of giant crabs. Why?

Because those moments are the game! And the more you play, the more of them you get to experience.

I'm glad that the Owlbears stood in a circle of flames, facing down a mechanical dragon together as a team. I'm glad that this year's Hatching-tide has been such a success! I'm glad that I finally completed my marauder training and went on to meet Curious Gorge and spar with him under a waterfall. Heck, I'm even glad that Drippy was able to help the wayward youths of Ul'dah when they needed a role model.

A Realm Reborn has a pretty good story. It's got a lot of satisfying narrative elements, a couple twists and turns, and a few fun and memorable characters. It's a Saturday Morning Cartoon on a massive scale (note: I think Aericka said this first, but I absolutely agree). It's fun, it's wild, it's silly, and yet somehow, it still has heart.

And was it just me, or is Gaius van Baelsar actually Julius Caesar cosplaying as Rita Repulsa?

But these are questions for another time. Heavensward awaits!

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 7 (A Note on Structure)

I think we're starting to hit upon some sort of structure here, yes? Both in regard to the game, and with regard to the way these posts are constructed. I'll speak more on the game's structure elsewhere; let's examine the structure of one of these little updates first, shall we?

First, we check in on Drippy. See how he's doin' and what he's been up to in the world.

Drippy has come into his own. Last night, he bested his mentor Curious Gorge in honorable combat. In recognition of this event, Gorge bestowed upon him the ancestral armor of his tribe as a symbol of Drippy's mastery. Look at those dope cat-print kneepads!

As Drippy's agent/handler/parent/co-conspirator, I've gotta say, it's been a crazy two weeks. I play less often than the other Owlbears, but even so, I still feel like I've lived, breathed, slept, and eaten nothing but Final Fantasy for days. That's probably because it's true. And what a ride it's been! As much as I'd like to say something witty or insightful about the story so far, the time for quiet reflection is later. Right now, I've got quests to do and NPCs to bother, aid, or slay!

Anyway, these two screenshots turned out lookin' dope, if I do say so myself.

Drippy pleads with a young yet talented scholar to accompany him to the Isles of Umbra

Drippy, Biggs, Wedge, and Cid take some time to reflect on their accomplishments

Now - getting back to structure, here - let's talk about the Owlbears. What have they been up to? Well, Drippy's 50, Worfina's 57, and everyone else is somewhere on the spectrum. This means that Drippy hasn't had as many opportunities to experience all of the SICK ENDGAME CONTENT with the rest of 'em, yet, so, rather than report on what I haven't experienced, I'll report on what I have: The stuff I've overheard on Discord!

-- Lots of people shouting "holy shit this is crazy!" during the "final battle" against the Garleans, at a pitch and with a fervor that suggests to me that shit does, indeed, become crazy

-- There is a "bridge quest" which involves finding some lost children that causes plants to wither, cattle to die, strong men to blanch, and women to deliver forth monsters

-- Inspector Hildibrand is the greatest living detective, and helping him investigate his cases is the supreme privilege of all who love justice

Glock McLargehuge experiences a brief existential crisis

And last, we share a deluge of colorful images with little-to-no context. They're not meant to tell a story as much as they're meant to capture some of the magic of the whole experience. A tiny slice of the spicy pie that is Eorzea.

Yeah, the structure is working for me, too. Keep circulating the screenshots. Next episode: Fashion!

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 6 (The Joy of Clichés)

Drippy pauses for a moment to reflect on the true meaning of Hatchingtide.

It's been quite the week. As we travel across Eorzea, conquering our foes and growing our fortunes at a pace that would make Alexander the Great pause to take notes, it behooves us to spare a moment for quiet reflection: How came we to this place?

A few days ago, Drippy was walking through the markets of Ul'dah searching for armor polish for his mythril greaves and hungering for a donut, when he happened across a troubling sight: A desperate damsel, accosted by an obnoxious merchant and his coterie of thugs. What? A literal damsel in distress? In my heroic high fantasy video game?? Say no more!!!

What an obnoxious guy! He took off after his thugs once he realized things weren't going to go his way. Good riddance. Even so, I have a sinking feeling this won't be the last time he bothers innocent people...
Having successfully resolved one pleasant cliché, Drippy immediately encountered another:

Watching from the sidelines during this damsel-debacle was Drippy's favorite catgirl conjuror, Y'shtola. She confessed that she had been following him with benevolent intentions - monitoring his progress and hoping he'd do something impressive enough to warrant an offer of recruitment into her super-secret selective order: The Scions of the Seventh Dawn.

We headed to their clubhouse and talked about all kinds of stuff. Turns out, the Mighty Owlbears are already working with the Scions! Considering that their mission statement is essentially, "Complete heroic quests and help save the planet from magical monsters," how could Drippy possibly say no? Plus there's a really nice bar across the street from their HQ. Super cheap mimosas. What's not to love?

Ah, how simple things were, back then. Last Thursday, I think it was? It feels like a lifetime. So much has happened. So many adventures. I can't put it all into words - so, I'll have to use pictures.

"Fear not, inspector. I'm on the case!"

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us!"

Truffle McCabe, Glock McLargehuge, Drippy, and Worfina explore the Sunken Temple of Qarn.

On a lonely dock in Limsa Lomisa, Nekuma practices her swordplay as well as her sorcery.
There are surprising synergies between the philosophy of the red mage and the way of the samurai.

Aladbross and Aericka enjoy a night on the town.

Drippy meets with the very living essence of haute couture. 

There's more. There's always more. But for now, this will have to suffice. It is a simple tale, too quickly told, yet it hints of tales yet to come...

Cinder Bin - Session 2

Cast

Ryan, our GM / Storyteller / Referee, what-have-you

Julian, playing Deadeye Duncan

Myself, playing Eli Tabasco

Willie, playing Gorman Sterling

Olegard's Expedition

Deadeye Duncan, Icon Sharpshooter

Eli Tabasco, Paranormal Investigator Mystic

Gorman Sterling, Outlaw Operative
Sunday and Rue, scavenger sisters

Kess, a young mechanic

Session Two

We trundle on down the hill. Everything looks great. There’s some damage where the… what’s it called? Wing? Flipper? Where the flipper hit a rock or somethin’, but the main body of the aircraft is fully intact. It’s a beautiful dark metal, the sort of thing that could hold up the world if you built a pillar out of it and made it big enough.

Eli’s horse skitters as he banks down the slope, and he takes a light tumble. Everyone else gets to the plane without incident and starts searchin’ for a way inside.

Deadeye—I wanna go in! I wanna go in right now!

Gorman—There’s a smarter way to go about this.

Sunday—I don’t know about a trap, but there was a wicked power surge from some older tech we had a while back. I’m into caution. Let’s wander around the outside and see if we can’t find something that says Emergency in Standard, yeah?

We search, and we find something close-enough. A hatch! After mucking around with it some, Sunday discovers a six-inch long tube mechanism that telescopes out to a solid 24 inches. We start using it to ratchet open the back gate, and we’re successful! The hatch opens up!

A pair of giant goddamn arachnids, pissed off about being woken up and hellbent on some murder-therapy, come pouring out of the open hatch. Shit!

The bigger spider hops out and gores Duncan for 9. Sunday does some damage back with her sword, and Deadeye gets a hit for 6, but these things are angry tanks with legs. And they spit acid. Deadeye drops to 2 incredibly quickly, and he’s standing on familiar ground once more. The dice gods smile – the spider rolls a 1, and misses Deadeye! Deadeye responds by hitting it for 7, killing it! And then it explodes! Fuck!

Deadeye goes down, nearly dead. Gorman goes with him. Eli runs over to Gorman and tries to stabilize him. This whole time, Eli’s been trying to life rocks with his mind and hurl them at the spiders. Impressively, he’s actually lifted a few rocks. Unimpressively, they’ve had no impact whatsoever.

Gorman’s down but not quite out. He pulls out a pistol and fires, singing a spider. Deadeye, barely conscious, speaks up:

Deadeye—You have a gun??

Gorman—Yeah! I’ve had a gun this whole time!!

Sunday steps in and wails on the little spider good, and it dies. Woof. What a fight.

Eli uses his knack to get Deadeye up and moving again. The knack’s also telling him there’s neutron flux radiation coming from nearby, and once Duncan and Gorman are tended to, he pays that last fact some attention. It’s coming from something that’s tucked beneath a flipper on the inside of the plane. Eli ventures inside the fuselage to check it out, and discovers that it’s coming from behind a panel. We decide to loot everything else first before tampering with it.

Three corpses inside the plane. Skeletonized, long-dead, but still wearing stuff. Lockers. Locked. We drag the corpses outside. There’s another layer of the plane above us; Deadeye is the first to explore it. Two more bodies. Inside the lockers, Rue finds laser rifles. Hot damn!

Deadeye searches the bodies of the pilots. Both have a pistol with a power pack, survival knives, and one has a medallion.

Gorman hits a panel, and the lights come on. It freaks out Eli and Sunday. A figure about a foot and a half tall appears in front of him, made out of light. A voice speaks up:

Voice—Would you like a tutorial on the features of this S3XC Aircraft?

Gorman—Unlock all doors.

Voice—Negative.
Gorman—Ok. I’d like a tutorial.

Voice—Please observe.

Gorman—[While observing the tutorial] Holy smokes, this plane can fly in atmosphere and in space?

Eli joins Gorman and an old piece of tech – an heirloom, really – that he carries on his person suddenly whirs and chirps and beeps, and this voice becomes a hologram, and this hologram has a name: Haley. She calls Eli ‘skipper’ and starts telling him facts at a breakneck pace.

This ship is called Lucky 13. It’s a shrike. Drop aircraft. Had a pilot, copilot, engineer, minus the engineer, and three marines aboard when it went down. Problem with the orange. The nanoswarm is everywhere on this planet. Very odd.

The others loot some neat stuff. Carbon skin armor. Graphite. Ooo. Deadeye equips it. Haley says we’ve got company approaching fast from the Southeast. Uh oh.

Sunday takes a cool sword

2 Corona Laser Rifles

1 Apellion Laser Rifle, which Duncan takes

5 Corona Pistols, which we split amongst the group

2 Graphite Carbon Skins, one being put on quickly by Deadeye

Long Rifle w/Optical Scope [Shirren Elite, Sniper Weapon] that Gorman grabs

Sonic Weapon [Street Sweeper Thunderstrike]

Jacob and his crew show up and demand our total surrender. Gorman fires a shot at one of ‘em, wingin’ ‘em, and Jacob directs his crew to take cover. Then he renegotiates. He offers us a third. We counter-offer with a hundred percent.

Gorman—Deadeye and I are freaks of nature. I give you a twenty five percent chance of beating us, tops. Subtract that from a third, and you’ve got like eight percent…

Haley tells us fifty more people are approaching fast, from the north. Cloaks and hammers. Simplification. We need to buy some time. Gorman, informed of this, switches tactics and tries to offer Jacob the whole plane, and the team starts crowding inside of it.

Jacob—You rigged it to blow or something.

Deadeye—I don’t think I know how to do that!

Kess pops open the windowglass, once we’re all in. A crowd of Simplification descends from the Cliffside, and they start having words with Jacob. Mean words. It’s all happening so fast; the Simplification thinks Jacob’s crew is all outside. They don’t know we’re in here, and Jacob hasn’t spilled the beans yet.

Deadeye takes a sniper shot and rolls 15 against the Simplification dude who looks like the leader. Miss.

Gorman snipes at the man in black. 12. Another miss. The Simplification guys charge at Jacob’s people.

Kess whisper-shouts that the glass is open, and reminds us to all slip out the front. Gorman is great at this sort of thing – he rolls a 31. Duncan and Eli each roll 3s, and the plan is scuttled before it begins.

Duncan won’t stop talking. He’s upset that we’re leaving this whole thing behind us, and doesn’t want to see it all blown up. Eli’s finally had enough and snaps.

Eli—Duncan, shut the hell up!

Sunday—Why?! WHY!? Just run!

Out on the desert floor, while the Simplification and Jacob’s crew are firefighting and Olegard’s expedition is running for their lives, Eli gives Haley the go-ahead to make that neutron flux fusion core explode. She does. And then she reports:

Haley—We have a weapons pattern searching for us. Attempting to jam.

Eli—Haley, don’t attempt to jam. Go quiet. Quiet as you can. Don’t broadcast a thing. This whole place is gonna burn!

The world shakes. The fusion reactor goes critical after it’s smacked by dragon’s fire. It’s bad. It’s big, bright, and white hot fire reaches up high into the sky. It’s the strongest explosion anyone’s ever felt. Nothing is left. There must be a crater in the ground a hundred feet deep.

Rue—Oh boy. Oh boy. That was a thing.

Deadeye—It’s a good thing I decided we should leave.

Rue—Yeah. Good thing.

Kess stops running first, he’s panting and exhausted.

Deadeye—That’s fifty-seven to one.

Sunday—I mean, wouldn’t it be one to fifty seven? Win-loss ratio?

Gorman—It’s a loss-win ratio. Easier for him to keep track.

Fifty-odd Simplification dudes are dead, and all of Jacob’s crew is toast. Along with our horses, and the shrike, and the biggest load of credits any of us have ever seen. Despite the loss and the narrow escape, an enormous smile appears on Deadeye’s face.

Deadeye—Guess who just became the third best fighter in town?

GROUP LOOT

2 corona laser rifles [group loot]

Apellion laser rifle [Duncan]

Sniper rifle [Gorman]

Street Sweeper [group loot]

5 corona pistols [Duncan has two, Eli grabbed one]

2 usable carbon-graphite skins [Duncan, Eli]

2 survival knives

Haley [Eli]

Type 3 power packs [boom, these exploded with the shrike]

Chainsword [Sunday]

SIMPLIFICATION COLORS

Yellow – Low ranking, maybe an initiate or a novice?

Red –Higher ranking than yellow. Carries an enormous sledgehammer.

Black –Higher ranking than red. Unarmed?

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 5 (Slice of Life)

"Fight for them, and they will fight for you. Remember that no great victory was ever achieved alone."--Shamani Lohmani, member of the Company of Heroes

So much has happened. Quarantine's going great, y'all, and we're power leveling these characters into Warriors of Light as fast as humanly possible.  Huh. Humanly. Nah, we ain't doin' this humanly. Maybe in the beginning we were humans, but lately... Check it out.

Level 10. Pirate daddy.

Level 15. Game of Thrones.

Level 20. Sponsored by Monster Energy.

Level 25+. Watership Down.

Remember Jihli, the crazy, beautiful, visionary maiden from this post? Well... Let's just say that I figured out how glamers work she had a real impact on Drippy's life. Hatching-tide is a big deal, ya'll. It's not just a holiday, it's a way of life. Jihli revealed some essential truths about the universe to Drippy, and he's taken them to heart. Humans are cool and all, but rabbits? They're are where it's at.

Posing with Glock McLargehuge, Worfina Klingdragon, and Truffle McCabe.

Drippy's journey continues at a breakneck speed. When you're power-leveling, there's a sense of importance, if not urgency, to your actions. Those actions feel scattershot and senseless at times, but they're still important. Yes, there's a looming threat to Eorzea that people feel powerless to confront - but, also, could you please deliver this orange juice to the lady outside the inn? She'll tell you how to dye your clothing if you do. Yes, yes, the Garlean Empire is preparing to invade. Yes, the dreaded primals are threatening to return and burn Eorzea to cinders. But also, could you please go get some rare cheeses for our banquet?

The main storyline of Final Fantasy is long and convoluted, but it's been a fun thing to experience. Between an endless succession of quests to fetch, gather, and slay, there have been some fine - almost understated - moments.

Here are a few that I've experienced, and also, a few that the Mighty Owlbears have shared with me.

Aladbross Siracha and his assistant prepare a culinary masterpiece.

Aladbross Siracha becomes a master culinarian with the aid of his assistant, a miniature goobbue called Frumpus. Aladbross has pursued his passions across Eorzea, and for his dedication, he has been rewarded: though his name is newly inked upon the list of Eorzea's master chefs, it is whispered far and wide by those who know. His sushi is literally the stuff of legend.

Worfina Klingdragon discovers (and claims!) a legendary artifact - a staff sought by Conjurers and White Mages alike! Although obtaining it cost many lives and countless hours, the balance sheet shows an overwhelming profit. Truly, she has become a Conjurer of legend.

Nakuma Noalu gazes into a crystal shard. She is a summoner, blessed with many sorcerous talents, yet no magicks yet known to her can conjure wealth equal to the treasure she now possesses. What wonders will she craft with it?

Drippy joins the Company of Heroes, and celebrates with an exotic feast. Also, exotic dancing! Is there any place in Eorzea more wonderful than Costa del Sol?

Aericka Tatalya (left) wanders the long and winding roads of Eorzea in search of adventure. (Awesome screenshot! This is my new desktop background, btw)

Oh, there are so many things! So many wonderful things! Should I regale you with the debacle of Brayflox's Longstop? I haven't laughed that hard, or died so often, in days. Maybe weeks.

Worfina -- [pulls every monster] Okay, so, it looks like our limit is twelve. Twelve monsters at once.
Everyone -- ...
Worfina -- I'm gonna go ahead and say that this is my fault.

Or maybe we should talk about the time we fought all those ghosts at Hinke Manor? And those evil mages who confronted Drippy, and spilled the beans about their cosmic, evil plan? Fuckin' evil mages, man. They aren't happy unless they're messing with someone else's vibe. Buncha nerds.

We're gonna find a way to deal with them, Owlbears. We're not gonna let a bunch of magical nerds harsh our mellow. There may be a lot of crazy shit going on in the world right now, 'bears, but we're prepared for it. We're ready. We're eager. This is our final fantasy, and nobody - not even James Fantasy himself - knows what our fate will be.

Final Fantasy XIV, Part 4 (The Mighty Owlbears: Truffle, Glock, Siracha, and Worf)

3.31.2020. Camp Drybone, Eastern Thanalan, on a Tuesday afternoon.

Truffle McCabe teleported into the open square of Camp Drybone, looked around, and cursed. "Gods damnit," she said, "This fucking place again! Fuuuuuuck!" 

It was raining in the desert, and a thin layer of dust was being whipped around by spring winds, moistened, tumbled, and transformed into a flying spray of mud. Within seconds of her arrival, her pants and boots were caked.

Glock McLargehuge teleported into the open square of Camp Drybone. Dirt pinged off his polished greaves and gauntlets, and the wind tousled his glorious dark mane. "Oh, hey Truffle," he said. "You wanna go do some quests?"

"Yes, let's do some quests," she said. "Please, let's just get out of this place as fast as we possibly can. Ugh. I fucking hate Camp Drybone."

Truffle held her chocobo whistle in both hands and produced a long, dissonant note. From somewhere unseen her chocobo, Kevin, materialized. Truffle climbed upon Kevin's back in a single practiced move, a hybrid hop-kick, and grabbed his reins. He trotted in place but held patiently to his corner of the square; Kevin would not think to leave without a direct command from Truffle. Chocobos were magical bird-beasts, accustomed to all manner of inclement weather and rough handling from their masters, and nothing if not perfectly obedient.

Glock blew his whistle and summoned his chocobo. Despite the roegadyn's enormous size, the bird-beast was more than capable of carrying his weight. The chocobo knelt down to accept its master, and together, Glock and Truffle rode off into the desert.

To the other folk of Camp Drybone, standing in their sheltering tents or doorways to avoid the sudden storm, the materialization of these two warriors was barely worth a comment. It was no understatement to say that, every day, a warrior would materialize in the square, summon an aetherial creature or two, and ride off into the desert. For them, this was business as usual, as common and predictable as sunrise.

However, this day was a remarkable one for Drippy Poseidon, for it was the first time he set eyes upon his guild-mates. For Drippy, too, had been standing there in the mud and rain. He had never been to Camp Drybone before; for him, this was all a new experience. And he was impressed!

Oh, Drippy could teleport and summon aetherial beings just like the others, and he had plenty of important quests to do, just like Truffle and Glock. But he hadn't yet obtained a chocobo, nor had he actually met another member of the Mighty Owlbears, the mysterious and shadowy organization that he had joined a few days earlier at the behest of Aladbross Siracha.

Wait, who?

Aladbross Siracha. You know, the miqo'te adventurer? Into fishing, a bit of a chef. Incredible sideburns? Hold on, I have a picture. Hm, well, it's not a good picture. But Aladbross is this guy.

Uh, yeah. He's a Mighty Owlbear, or rather, that's the name of his free company. His adventurer's guild. His secret society. Whatever you want to call it. 

Drippy had known Aladbross for ages, well before Camp Drybone, but had only worked with him recently, when the two of them were hired to solve a problem for the good people of Gridania. That problem was a wackadoo bunch of kidnappers and killers called the Lambs of Dalamud. The Lambs had pledged their undying obedience to some sort of evil squid wizard, and were planning on doing gods-know-what to the poor people of Gridania. Typical wackadoo cult stuff.

They hadn't counted on us.

Drippy and Aladbross worked well as a team, and they were, in all honesty, very similar people: Armored wanderers with short attention spans and an almost maniacal zest for new experiences. Joining the Owlbears seemed like a natural thing to do, and so Aladbross extended the invitation, and Drippy gladly accepted.

"Gotta warn you, though," Aladbross said, "Our leader's insane."

"You probably won't meet Worfina Klingdragon for a while. She's off right now adventuring in another dimension. She's got a grudge against this immortal black dragon, and she kills him every Tuesday. Weird stuff. Also, she uses her phone to take screenshots, so that's a thing. You'll get used to it. We've all gotten used to it."

"Fair enough," Drippy said. "I've got a whole world of adventure head of me, and if that's the strangest thing--

"It's not."

"Oh. Um, well, okay. I'll take note of that."

"Also," Aladbross continued, "You'll really want to get a chocobo. Like, I get that we're both doing quests right now for the government of Gridania, and the grand companies, and the culinarians, and all those other people, but really, honestly, you gotta get a chocobo. It's life-changing. Do whatever you gotta do to make that happen."

"Noted."

He did note it. And he did what needed to be done. Drippy traveled far from the forests of Gridania, across wind-wracked seas to the deserts of ancient Thanalan. He rescued damsels, slew inhuman beasts, fought side by side with the Immortal Blades of Ul'dah, and held court with admirals and sultanas, sorceresses and spymasters before he found his prize. 

But that is another tale, for another time.