Plastic Polygons: Final Fantasy XIV, Part 1 (Drippy Poseidon)

It's spring of 2020, and we're all avoiding the plague. I'm sure people will be writing about it extensively, so I'll skip to the most relevant part: I've started playing Final Fantasy 14. This, then, is a chronicle of the deeds of a roegadyn marauder named

DRIPPY POSEIDON

3.24.2020. Limsa Lominsa sucks. My first log-in was a bewildering nightmare of text! I felt like I was reading a thesaurus in a wind tunnel, with a head injury. Ugh. All I wanted to do was find something to smash with my goddamn battle axe. I didn't roll a marauder because I wanted to read! I ran around doing an endless succession of fetch-quests until finally I logged off at like, level 5. So far this game is boring and dumb.

3.25.2020. I did the quest where the Cultured Conjurer catgirl showed up and helped me kill a rampaging goobbue. That was actually pretty fun. Her name was Y'shtola. And Staelwryn of Summerford suspects that there's some fuckery afoot involving his farm-hands, most of whom are former pirates. He's told me to go investigate. And since these two are the first NPCs to actually make a good impression on me, I'm gonna. Drippy quested from levels 5 to 12 today, and in that span of time, he accomplished the following deeds:

* Killed a clay golem in a solo battle.
* Figured out how to fast travel in Limsa Lominsa.
* Saved Staelwryn's farmhands from some tattooed cultists.
* Fought a unique giant crab in a cool Fate instance.
* Got mauled to death by a giant chupacabra.

This game's starting to grow on me.

Y'shtola, Cultured Conjurer Catgirl

3.27.2020. So, I thought I looked ridiculous when I logged off last time:

But no. No, because check out these manly duds

This is the outfit of a man without a bedtime.

I wandered around Final Fantasy Land dressed like the deadliest of all daddies, and accomplished a few good deeds, in true marauder fashion. For example, saving an impetuous youth from a just execution by giant crabs!